Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize