Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
