Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
