I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
