I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
