Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
