I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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