people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
