wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
