i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
