Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
