im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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