4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
