I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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