Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
