This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
