he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
being pregnant is like rehab
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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