new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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