remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
