Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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