that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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