just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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