Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
