he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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