i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
They took my balls.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
