You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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