every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I just googled if crying burns calories
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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