i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
that may or may not have been my penis.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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