She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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