Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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