This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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