put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
