Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
