Kareoke will never be a sober sport
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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