I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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