i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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