Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
