there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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