Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
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The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
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I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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