Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
