so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
