Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Naked. naked and bneed help.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
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