garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
