Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
