ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so explain again why im purple
no
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Randomize
