Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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