You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
wow bdsm is so cute
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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