so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
