he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
