just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I will be naked everywhere
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER