I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize