I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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