Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
