he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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