I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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