waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
