***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
it hurts more in the daytime
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
