I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
