I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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