you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize