Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
