They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
PANTIES FOUND
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