I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
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I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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