I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
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