If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
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