Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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