No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
