Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is Oprah even human
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
